The Gift

Just the other day, a new friend in my aikido class shared a story with me. Knowing that I just went through a kidney transplant, she shared with me that someone close to her also went through it. About nine years ago, her aunt desperately needed a new kidney. Her Dad volunteered to give her one of his and be a living donor.

Not knowing what the experience of a living donor was, I asked her what his experience was like. She said that after the surgery her Dad said he felt like he was hit by a truck three times. He was in a lot of pain – probably similar to the pain a transplant recipient would experience. After all, not only was he cut open, but a major organ was just removed from him.

She said that her Dad was down and out for about two weeks and had to live with his parents while he was recovering. His parents took care of him at this time, which is probably difficult for any adult.

She said that it was so touching that he gave his kidney to her aunt. She guessed that he loved his sister so much that he was willing to go through that much pain. I was so touched, I almost cried right there on the mat!

After his recovery, he was up and about. He actually feels normal now, except that he only has one kidney. Her aunt is also doing very well. Her Dad and aunt still call each other at the transplant anniversary. They are very close since they shared a very special experience and also his kidney.

I was very honored that she shared her Dad’s story with me. Being a living donor is a significant commitment, but it connects you with another human being in a very unique way.

I received the same gift this year, as well, and for that, I am extremely grateful. Living or deceased – every donor’s gift is priceless. In this season of giving, I hope you all consider to sign-up to be an organ donor and give someone the gift of life.

Happy Holidays and have a Happy New Year!

Finally Nidan

I had a milestone this week. I just had my nidan (second-degree black belt) demo. I felt I have been preparing for my nidan test for about eight months. However, because of my transplant, I was not able to take my formal test last February (see my original post). Last Saturday, I finally had a chance to perform my demo and receive my certificate.

Right after my transplant, I was not even sure if I could train in aikido again. I was in so much pain that it took so much effort to just move around. Also, I have had to avoid trauma on my kidney “surgery spot,” so I was not sure how I could manage my training.

Slowly but surely, I was able to start training again. First, I just started with weapons class where we do not normally have close contact or take (too many) falls. After I was getting more confidence, I attended general practice once a week, then twice. After all, I had an exam to train for. Although twice a week practice wore me out a bit, I hoped (and still hoping) that I would eventually get used to it.

I did not have a formal test, because my Sensei felt it was not necessary. He said that I was basically ready for my test in February and was already training at a Nidan-level back then. The demo was just a formality.

During the celebration, Sensei gave me a card with Yosa Buson’s Autumn Haiku (see photo in this post). It reads:

Ichigyo no

Kari ya hayama ni

Tsuki wo insu

On the mountain crests

A line of wild geese

And the moon’s seal

To me it represents, a new season, a new beginning, and the continuing journey that I will have in aikido.

Onegai shimasu.

Shades of Normalcy

Movies...

Last week for the first time in what seems to be a long time, we had a night out.  Hubby just finished a huge project, and it has been almost four months since my transplant. Since we got the go-ahead from the dietician to dine out, we thought we would celebrate over the weekend. After all, cooking everyday, as creative and enjoyable as it is, can be a bit tiring.

So Saturday and Sunday last weekend, we enjoyed a movie and dinner out.  The new summer movies were already out, so we thought we’d catch the latest flicks. It was a great two evenings!

That said, I did have to take some precautions. As an example, some people were coughing in the theater. It could be just dry throat due to popcorn, but as a recent transplant recipient, I could never be too sure. So, I put on my mask and continued to enjoy the movie. It was Star Trek after all.

...and Dinner. No Binders Needed!!!

Over dinner, we picked relatively healthy choices, except for the deep-dish pizza. My husband has not had deep-dish pizza from Zachary’s, so it was a must. Oooh, those two slices were so good. I did remove some of the tomato sauce since it is rich in potassium. I could not imagine enjoying those when I was in dialysis. No amount of binder can counteract the phosphorus in that slice of pizza.

Overall, it was a very enjoyable weekend. After my transplant, my husband recalled that the surgeon said to me, “Welcome to a new life”. A new life, indeed. Last weekend was just a brief taste of it. I can’t wait.

Back to Work

I’m back to my day job, at least part-time this week. I am slowly introducing parts of my “normal” life back into my daily routine.  

I am a bit nervous coming back to work since I have been out for couple of months. To add to that, I will be working on a completely different project, so it will feel like an entirely new job.

My doctor and I planned on having this first week as a “warm-up” for when I return to full-time.  I really wanted to ease into things so I am doing my best to resist the temptation to work a full day. My manager is flexible enough to adjust my work hours.  I find it really easy to be enthusiastic and work a full day the first day, only to deal with getting too worn out after.  In fact, that happened on my second day. I worked for five and a half hours, only to be extremely tired that evening.

Also, as part of my first week, I mostly sat at my desk at home, instead of working from the couch. This should give me a chance to build up my energy to sit-up for a full day. Each day, I worked a bit more. I found that working kept my mind off my blood pressure, fluid retention, and weight gain, which may be mentally and physically healthier for me.  

My daily walks are now a treat, rather than a chore. At the end of the work day and after being indoors all day, I love being outdoors and enjoying the fresh air, sights, and sounds.

The next couple of weeks should be interesting. I suspect that I will not be able to blog as much or as long. In the coming months, I am hoping that I can slowly integrate the more fun things of my life, like going back to hula and aikido. Still, we’re taking it one step at a time.

Missing Aikido

One of my disappointments with having a kidney transplant was not being able to train in Aikido while in recovery. I was very close to my Nidan test (second degree black belt) and felt good about the material. In my last class, Sensei asked me to demonstrate how to do counter-attacks from two different attacks. I was able to do them successfully. My friends said that I looked ready. Little did I know that that was my last class before surgery.

Now, I am on sabbatical.

I am not even sure if I can train again.

Some people have said that I may need to quit my martial arts training after I get a kidney. Others (nurses, teachers) say that being back on the mat is possible. Aikido is unique in this instance because it is generally not a full contact martial art. Sure, we occasionally punch or strike, but if one does the techniques correctly, the strike is avoided.

I miss being on the mat, and I hope to be back on it as soon as I am ready. I will use my sabbatical to really get to know and organize the material for my test. By the time I am back, I will be mentally ready. Physically? I hope so.

Me on my Shodan (1st degree black belt test). Nidan next?

If that does not happen, I think I need to be ready for the next chapter of my life. Aikido has taught me to be present, be in the moment. In the last seminar that I attended in our dojo, our Division Leader, Pat Hendricks Sensei had brought her calligraphy as a present to our sensei. One of it is “Founder,” and she was hoping that it would inspire us to find our own niche in Aikido. Maybe that will be my path.

Onegai shimasu.

My New Full-Time Job

We had our first follow-up visit last Tuesday. Since this was our first visit, we met with everyone: the social worker, the nephrologist, the dietician, and the pharmacist. We reviewed how I am feeling, my stitches, my general health, my diet, and my medications, including any changes in dosage. It was a pretty long visit: three hours. Overall, they said that I am doing really well.

The social worker reminded me that my new full-time job is to recover. I mentioned to her that I have been frustrated as I am moving slow, taking naps in the middle of the day, have no appetite and sleeping early. This is very unlike me; I am usually a Type A person – always on the Go. Dialysis had slowed me down, but every other day, I had my energy back: I worked full time, baked or cooked during the weekends, went to aikido class two or three times a week, attended a twice a year hula dancing weekend seminar, went to the gym two times a week, and enjoyed skiing during the winters. Now, I can barely get a full day in – Very frustrating!

She reminded me that I probably just went through the most major surgery: kidney transplants can be more complex than even heart transplants because the pipes are much smaller, plus your core is cut open. Recovery time is really important. Without allowing myself a proper recovery time, it may be even for my recovery. After that, I can go back to going 110% again.

So my full-time job now is to recover: drink, pee, and recover.

I guess I can’t be a full-time blogger either.

Back Home

I was discharged from the hospital two days ago and was looking forward to coming back home. It was Superbowl Sunday, and I was looking forward to enjoying the game, have some chips, and cheer my team.

The transplant center is about 2 hours away from home, and the trip back was exhausting.  I was very surprised because we’ve taken this trip many times – often for something fun like skiing or a two-day dance workshop and now, I was tired just sitting in the shotgun seat. At this point, I can’t even imagine walking one block – and I was doing great training for the next Kidney Walk!!!

I did see some of the game, but did not have my usual energy. No cheering, no fighting with the referees – in fact, I think I dozed off and almost missed the half-time show.

One of the biggest adjustments at home is how I interact with my kitty cat/baby/daughter, Meow. One of the nurses said that we probably should get rid of her, but that is not an option. Meow has been my angel through this process – along with my Hubby - she saved me in my saddest times. Meow, Hubby, and I – we are ohana – family: No one gets left behind or forgotten (From the Disney movie "Lilo and Stitch").

The reason that cats are risky during the recovery process is that their feces carry a fungus that may be dangerous to the immune system. Transplant patients have lowered immune systems, so that the body can accept the new organ. A cold or flu, especially in the first few weeks of recovery, may cause the kidney to be rejected.

With this big change in our lives, everyone will need to make adjustments, including Meow. She cannot come to bed with us or even sleep in bed when we are not there. She was my morning alarm - she would jump in bed on top of me and meow her little heart out. Now, she will need to do it from outside the bedroom door, at least for the first month. I am wearing a mask every time I pass the litter box and sometimes when I am on the couch with her.  Meow and I are not too happy with it. At least, I am back home.

The call

We were woken up at 2 am yesterday morning with a call from UC Davis. It's my kidney! I am the primary candidate for it!

It's the call that we've been waiting for.

Things started to go through my mind: Do I really want a kidney? Where is my "go" bag? What will life after a kidney look like? We can travel again. I can pursue a Ph.D. Can I still practice aikido? On and on... My Hubby and I had trouble going back to sleep. It was exciting and scary at the same time.

UCD was going call in the morning after they had confirmed with my doctors that I am fit for surgery.  I contacted my manager to let her know what is going on and that I would not be coming to work in the morning.  I wanted to use that time to prepare for the surgery and being in the hospital for an extended time. There were things to do: get money, fill out the disability form, take care of Meow, wrap up work.

But no calls came. We waited and waited and still no calls.  I think the process of waiting is more excruciating. You never know when its going to happen. I worked almost half the day and still no calls. I don't even know if I am supposed to eat.

In talking to the charge nurse at my dialysis center, she shared with me that the kidney may still need to be removed. Also, it may still need to travel - it may be across the country.

So we wait...I even went to dialysis, perhaps for the last time. It's somewhat bittersweet thinking that that may be the last time two huge needles will be stuck in my arm.

We both hope that we both can get a good night sleep tonight, and tomorrow brings better news.

Good night and good luck (to me)!