What a week!

This week was somewhat challenging for me. The devastation in the Philippines affected my Hubby and me emotionally. Seeing the extensive devastation caused by Typhoon Haiyan (Yolanda as known in the Philippines) in Tacloban and other cities in the Visayas was horrific. We have been seeing in the news how the Filipinos are suffering and coping.  The situation is very sad, and it will take them many years to rebuild and economically recover. And too, the emotional damage to each and every survivor may take much longer. Can you imagine losing most of your family and friends? It is devastating.

I am somewhat fortunate. Although I have friends and family still in the Philippines; my family and some of my best friends are not in the affected areas. I contacted each of them to check how they are, and fortunately, they are all safe. For that, I am extremely grateful. According to my step-mom, they are far enough from the eye of the storm that they only had some fairly strong rain and wind.

I also checked how my family is, specifically my Dad. Last time I heard, he would not take his maintenance medication for hypertension. Sadly, We now found out that my Dad is not in good shape. He was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease – the same as my Grandmother. My step-mom did not tell us prior because she did not want to worry us, since she knew that I just had major surgery.

I had mixed feelings when I read the news. I was glad that they are safe, but obviously now very worried about my father. I was very close to my Dad when I was growing up. I hung out with him after school at his office and do homework. He would build all sorts of gadgets for me, which is probably why I got interested in technology: I remember he once tried to make a piano out of light switches. I would watch him while he is writing his TV or movie scripts; later on, I would use up half of his paper and write short stories or scripts of my own (which is why I fancy myself as a writer) or just draw on it (I also consider myself an artist). He taught me how to drive and opened my eyes to different cuisines (including my first encounter to sashimi, which I love because of him). It’s very sad to hear that he’s not in good shape, not the same old Dad that I remember. It is one of those times when I wish I am living close to him and not thousands of miles away.

I am not quite sure what to do you yet. To a certain extent, I am overwhelmed. What are my responsibilities to my countrymen? What are my responsibilities to my Dad? What about to my husband and my family here and, to myself?  I wanted to jump on the first plane to the Manila and be by Dad, but that is probably not the best option right now. It is a gut reaction of a daughter who just wants to take care of her parent.  

Do I jump on the plane to try to help the people devastated by the typhoon? Or will I be jeopardizing my own health if I do that? With my compromised immune system, I have been avoiding exposure to germs for months, and here I am considering flying off to help people in probably a germ-infested area, without regular access to clean water and nourishment to my new kidney. If I risk myself, how I continue to help? Who's going to take care of Meow and be a partner to my husband?

What a dilemma.

I am still figuring out how to balance it all out. There is no doubt though … the human spirit is resilient, and, one way or another, we will be able to make it through these most trying times.

To donate to the relief effort to the survivors of Typhoon Haiyan/Yolanda, check out the following sites:

• United Nations World Food Programme
• United Nations International Children’s Fund (UNICEF)
• Catholic Relief Services
• Doctors Without Borders

And please pray and wish for my Dad some really good luck!

Rogue Kidney's Day-off

Cupcake stash - these are actually minis.

I decided to finally take a day off this week. My brain was full, and I felt that I really needed to work on some stuff around the house. Some things, needless to say, had gotten out of control and disorganized. I just need to do it.

I had a productive day planned: wake up early, put away the clean clothes, tidy up the kitchen counter, make pancakes for breakfast, have lunch out with Hubby, and make dinner at a relaxing pace, catch up with my email at work and home, and probably three or more other things.

Here’s how the day went:

Overslept

Had chai and my pre-made (homemade) muffins

Had lunch out with Hubby (Fish Sandwich for me and Fettuccine Carbonara for Hubby –Yum!)!

Bought cupcakes from Kara's Cupcakes (Yum again!)

Went to Trader Joe’s to get provisions

Napped

Tidied up the kitchen counter

Made Kale Salad for our dinner

Vegged-out on the couch and watched TV.

Slept.

It was not as productive a day as I had planned. I was a little disappointed that I was not more productive, but maybe that was the day that I needed; just unplug and recharge. I keep reminding myself that “I just had major surgery”  – I can’t run at 150% yet, let’s just try 100% with some breaks.

The next day, I was energized and more ready to work. I did get a chance to clean up my email… Funny thing though. More emails came and filled my inbox.

Sigh.

You’ve been Summoned (Sounds like a "Murder She Wrote" Mystery)

I have been summoned for jury duty once again, this past week. Great. I guess that it must have been two years already!

I looked at the date and it is right in the middle of my project or all of my projects. My first thought of course, was to postpone – after my projects are completed, which will be around December. Ugh, I did that before and I ended up serving in a jury during Christmas. Not fun! The only advantage was that  I was still on dialysis back then and the dialysis center was between courts and home; so, I had an easier commute.

Looking at it again, I thought that I could wait until January. If I do that, my projects will be done, my manager will be assigning me something new to work on, and it will be almost a year after my transplant.

Wait – my transplant! Sometimes I forget that I only had a transplant nine months ago.

I’ve been doing really well. Sometimes I even compare my current activities to what I did before I was diagnosed and often find myself, pushing my limits too much. I am actually, still feeling some of the side effects. As an example, my scar still hurts occasionally (I feel a little like Harry Potter: when my scar hurts, Lord Voldemort or something dangerous may be coming soon). Also, I just recently realized that my body is still adjusting to my various medications; which is why I feel tired when I wake up in the morning and still need an afternoon nap or two (or a caffeine fix).

With that, I wondered if I could get excused for this round of service for medical reasons. I’ve never really considered that before, so I am not sure what the requirements are. After all, this is happening during flu season, and I really should minimize being in public during this time and even into January or maybe February.

Don’t get me wrong: I do believe that everyone should serve in a jury. When I served, I found the process to be educational and interesting. I will admit though: there was a lot of sitting down, debating, and waiting. I probably made forty origami cranes (out of Ricola candy wrappers) while we were waiting… and those were tiny cranes. And having it during the Christmas break really-really sucked. We almost postponed our Holiday ski trip – something that I really looked forward to when I was in dialysis. It was my favorite escape.

I am contacting my nephrologist to see if an excuse is possible this time. If not, I’ll postpone until next year. Fingers crossed.... otherwise, I would be adding to the flock.

Slowing Down

During my Nidan demo a few weeks back, my sempai mentioned that I needed to slow down – feel the blend, feel the connection before applying the technique. After my test, I did feel that I rushed through my demo. In fact, even my training partner said that I was throwing her so fast, that she was exhausted after my demo.

For some weird, perhaps cosmic, way, I am finding that the “slow down” theme resonated through the month. With my working long hours, it helped me cope with all my work, extra-curricular activities and in keeping my health in check. 

The obvious example is applying it to aikido. I have been quite exhausted at work and going to class tired. However, when I made an effort to warm up (a bit), meditate before class, and take a deep breath before each technique, the experience becomes more profound and more meaningful. It became a completely different experience.

I am taking the same approach at work. We are slammed because of an upcoming software release. Tasks and more issues are coming left and right. However, if I focus on each task at hand and avoid multitasking, I find that I feel more productive… and probably finish my work faster, at a higher quality.

The same applies to maintaining my health. When I take my meds, I try my best to be mindful and just focus on that. When I do that, I find that I make better note of what I took and take them on time.

I also try to be more focused when preparing my food. I find that it is more relaxing if I take my time when I am preparing food or cooking. It’s like a moving meditation. Even chopping seems to have a deeper meaning: I learned to appreciate the colors and texture of what I am chopping and not rushing through preparing a meal.

As I slow down, everyday things seem to have more meaning and substance. I am able to see subtle things that I normally would miss if I were rushing. It made me experience things in a different dimension.

I am still learning and finding more ways to slow down. I am still hurting a bit, and it is important to listen to the signals my body is sending my brain. I must admit it is difficult a lot of times, particularly if you have very limited time and there are a lot of demands on you. It does take time… to slow down and smell the roses.

To My Generous Donor – Much Gratitude

During my most recent doctor visit, I found out some information about my donor. Hubby, for his own reasons, did not want to know, but I needed to. I wanted to know who to thank.

Because of how the doctors described my kidney, I speculated that my kidney came from someone young. It was very healthy, and passed the stress test with flying colors. The doctors were confident that this kidney would be a really great match.

What I did not realize was it was a pediatric kidney, i.e. a kidney from a young person. When my transplant coordinator mentioned this I immediately thought about what the family must have went through in the loss of their loved one and what that gift meant. To lose a child and a grandchild is devastating, and I feel that parents should not go through such a huge loss. Although I am not a parent, I immediately thought about my niece and my sister. How would my sister and my mom feel in that situation? I felt very truly saddened but extremely privileged to be the recipient of this wonderful gift.

I also felt a lot of responsibility. My donor had a short life. Passing away in one’s early teens is entirely far too short, but he or she lives through me. I need to honor my donor by taking care of that gift and to ensure that my donor’s kidney has an enjoyable life as much as possible… through me. I need to take care of myself, be cautious of what I eat, drink, and do, take advantage of what life has to offer, live, love, and laugh.

I have so much gratitude to you, my young donor. Without you, my new life is not possible: Thank you! You are my hero. I sincerely hope you are now at peace.

One last note: there was no other information provided to us about my donor:not where she lived, how she passed, and certainly not her name. Just the age.

Finally Nidan

I had a milestone this week. I just had my nidan (second-degree black belt) demo. I felt I have been preparing for my nidan test for about eight months. However, because of my transplant, I was not able to take my formal test last February (see my original post). Last Saturday, I finally had a chance to perform my demo and receive my certificate.

Right after my transplant, I was not even sure if I could train in aikido again. I was in so much pain that it took so much effort to just move around. Also, I have had to avoid trauma on my kidney “surgery spot,” so I was not sure how I could manage my training.

Slowly but surely, I was able to start training again. First, I just started with weapons class where we do not normally have close contact or take (too many) falls. After I was getting more confidence, I attended general practice once a week, then twice. After all, I had an exam to train for. Although twice a week practice wore me out a bit, I hoped (and still hoping) that I would eventually get used to it.

I did not have a formal test, because my Sensei felt it was not necessary. He said that I was basically ready for my test in February and was already training at a Nidan-level back then. The demo was just a formality.

During the celebration, Sensei gave me a card with Yosa Buson’s Autumn Haiku (see photo in this post). It reads:

Ichigyo no

Kari ya hayama ni

Tsuki wo insu

On the mountain crests

A line of wild geese

And the moon’s seal

To me it represents, a new season, a new beginning, and the continuing journey that I will have in aikido.

Onegai shimasu.

Working 9 to 5

We’re in crunch time mode at work the last few weeks, and I have been working really long hours. Although I have been working from home three days a week, my projects have been taking up most of my time. I barely have time to cook or exercise. Fortunately, my husband still takes care of the household: he even cooks and encourages me time to take my walks or go to the gym. I definitely had no time to tweet, re-tweet, and blog.

I am somewhat surprised that the workday wears me out. Before my surgery, I remember working longer hours and did not feel as tired as I do now. This is with dialysis for three hours, three times a week and regular (but shorter) exercise sessions.

I do remind myself that it has been only a little over eight months since my surgery – not even a year. My body is probably still healing and adjusting. My scar still occasionally hurts, but not unbearable. Sitting eight or more hours per day also now hurts my back. Because of my surgery, I have only been doing minimal exercises to strengthen that area: mostly rotational exercises and light knee-to-chest stretches (at least working my way through it).     

I do think that as long as I continue to keep a few things in mind, I can adjust to my workload without sacrificing my health, and for that matter, my sanity.

Pace yourself: I was Ms. Multitasker before. Now, I am finding that doing two or three things at once is more distracting. I have to focus on one thing at a time and do the best job that I can. I prioritize the items on my list and do them according to priority (or what I can fit in at the time remaining). With this, I find that I am able to accomplish more important things. I also stop when I am getting to the point of diminishing returns, i.e. my brain is too full that I can barely function.

Continue eating healthy: It is very tempting to start eating junk food when working late. I still bring my lunch and snacks to work (Thanks to my husband): lunch is usually a combination of grains, veggies, and healthy proteins like chicken or vegetarian options. Snacks have been granola bars lately (with low glycemic index), but I really should go back to eating a variety fruits in the afternoon.

Take breaks: When I have been sitting for a long time or feeling mentally tired, I find that taking short breaks help me out. I take a short walk, some stretch breaks, and if I am working from home, maybe even take a meditation or hula dance break. After 5 or 10 minutes, I find that I have more energy to tackle the task-at-hand and am more mentally alert,

Continue being active: After a long workday, I find that exercising is helpful in releasing any stress from work or any mental pressure. It helps me take my mind off work and helps me relax in the evening. In fact, each time I go to my aikido or hula class, I sleep really well that evening (Again, I am thankful that my Hubby encourages me to have the time to exercise).

Rest! Although being continually engaged is tempting, R&R is very important. My husband also reminds me that I not only have I been working too hard, but also playing too hard: Aikido weekend three weeks ago then a hula workshop a week ago Although I am one of those geeky people who relax by blogging or looking at Pinterest, sometimes unplugging is really beneficial. Cooking, browsing through a magazine, reading a book, or just napping usually works for me. 

This advice probably applies to every one, but especially those who are coming back from medical leave. I am hoping that crunch time ends soon (hopefully next week) and I can have a semi-normal work life soon.

Enough blogging now… Back to work... On a Sunday!