Gratitude Journal - 2014

 Image courtesy of Felixco, Inc.
 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I feel like I’ve been living in a bubble the past few months. Other than some scheduled seminars, one or two lunches with friends, seeing a movie or two with Hubby, or I haven’t really had quality time to spend time on the things that I enjoy. Work has taken over most of my time. I have had very little time to cook – mostly just for sustenance or write.

The past few weeks have been extra challenging: in my schedule but also physically and mentally. In spite of that, I truly feel grateful. I think it was last week when the Gratitude challenge was trending on Facebook. One of my friends took it and challenged all of her friends (cheating I think… you are only supposed to tag three).

I took the challenge, but kept it in my personal journal in the hope of sharing it in this blog. I grateful that I found time this week to share it. I have been given a small pocket of free time when I can just write.

Since my 5-day gratitude list seems a bit long, I will just list my highlights, in no particular order.

I am grateful for my medications. It’s really funny to start with this, but I should give some context. I was very sick for about a week. At first, I was just attributing it to “that time of the month” but it was getting worse and worse. I do not have an appetite and was in significant pain. Hubby was suspecting it was a cyst or a tumor or my new kidney. After some discussion with my transplant nurse, an additional dose of my preventive medication helped significantly.  I felt better only after four hours. Although I am one who does not really enjoy taking a lot of medication, I am extremely thankful when it works.

I am grateful for my doctors. My medical team is awesome and last week was a good testimony to it. My doctors were really concerned that I was having pain around my abdominal area. We contacted my transplant nephrologist, my primary care physician, and my OB-GYN. Every one took it seriously, especially my transplant nephrology team since they were concerned that my new kidney was affected. I received a phone call immediately, recommended an additional medication, and for me to do my labs immediately. We had an appointment the following week and the nurse made it a point to follow-p with me personally. I have a great team behind me.

I am grateful for my husband. My Hubby is one of the Team captains of my care team. He forced me to contact my physicians. Without his encouragement, I probably would just let it go for another week and suffer. He even contacted some of my doctors. He’s a good caregiver and partner.

(Just a note: The primary captain = Me)

I am grateful for weekends. Weekends is the time when I can spend time with Hubby. Because of work, we have very little time to spend together during the week. The weekends provide one of those times together… even if I sneak in some work or blogging time.

I am grateful for good food (and an occasional glass of wine). Good food, especially those shared with good company, provides enjoyment. It also nourishes our bodies and allows us to better function. And the company nourishes our spirit.

I am grateful for work. Surprised? I actually am too. This entry was on a day when I had a really challenging task. Not only does work provide much needed financial and medical support (through health benefits), but also allows me to flex and stretch my mind. I work with smart people so often the collaboration and the exchange of ideas can be stimulating. For me, work can also provide enjoyment. It is hard, but usually laugh to make the tough times a bit easier.

We also had some recent changes at work and I am very grateful that I still am working. I did write this on my gratitude journal prior to that.

I am grateful for humor. Laughing and jokes help me through the tough days –- work and health.  When I was sick, a good sitcom or late night TV usually made me forget my worries for a while. Big Bang Theory or Tonight Show usually did the trick. Actually, tonight we're watching "Young Frankenstein"... it's that movie's 40th anniversary.

In my journal, I also thanked my teachers, in aikido, in hula and in other disciplines that guided me through my journey in life so far. I still have a lot to learn though… but I think that is what life is about.

A Test of Endurance

Blogger’s Note: One of the main reasons that I continue to blog is to share how my life is after the kidney transplant. After transplant, I expected to be able to do EVERYTHING that I used to do and "with much more gusto".

While it has been over a year and a half, I still am getting used to moving with my new kidney. I think part of it is that I choose to continue with activities that require me to adjust my movement - primarily martial arts. I have not even resumed my water activities, so hopefully we will soon see how that is affected. 

Also, I recently learned that because of my lowered immune system, I would get tired more (Thanks Dr. Oz), which is probably why I cannot do as much as used to do before dialysis "with gusto".

Plus, I am getting older. Anyways, here goes…

Last weekend (23rd through 25th of August) was a great aikido weekend in the San Francisco Bay Area. Our division headquarters, Aikido of San Leandro celebrated their 30^th anniversary. It was a big deal: yudanshas (black belts) who have been training forever attended the celebration, high ranking teachers demonstrated, and long parties afterwards. It was a long but enjoyable weekend.

However, I knew that weekend would be a challenge to my energy level: we started training Friday night, then prepare for the long day of training and demonstrations on Saturday, then the potluck afterwards, and then Sunday’s All-Division training all the way to the other side of the bay (about an hour’s drive away… maybe an hour and a half). To add to that, we had a special guest instructor Monday evening, arranged by our sensei Sunday afternoon, so I knew I had to update our website and also attend class Monday night.

I had to plan. I was just going to leave work early on Friday, go and train, and rest for Saturday. However, the potluck was going to be an issue: for big events like this, I usually bring something homemade, but would keep until after two hours of training and two or more hours of demonstrations – usually something baked and sweet or a huge salad. I can still do it given my schedule, but I would not be getting enough rest – and I knew I would need it. I am still working outrageous hours at work and if I don’t give time to relax, I know there is little chance of my surviving the weekend.

What to do…

Compromise.

I decided not to bring something homemade this time. Although I opted for something store-bought, I went for something unique. Since students from all over the world would be coming to the party, I decided that sharing something from my heritage would be good. I brought Filipino rice cakes: different types. That way, I can try out what rice cake works. It's been my goal to learn how to make those cakes at home anyway, so this can be counted as "research".

I also took Friday off: I did not know how late class was going to be on Friday night so I decided to take it easy during the day, in the event that it will be a late night. Friday was dedicated to relaxation: no meetings, no work, no assignments… just rest, perhaps do something enjoyable, and prepare for the weekend.

During the weekend, I made sure I had plenty of rest and nourishment. I started the day with a really good but quick breakfast: usually a bagel with “the works”: tomatoes, cream cheese, and avocado (I know, potassium and phosphorus nightmare – but I can have it now, and it does fuel me for the day).

Saturday is usually a long day and lunch is not until 3 or 4 pm. I brought a good supply of provisions: nuts, kind bars, bread, and plenty of water, just in case. This was a good strategy since I cannot really enjoy the potluck; it’s almost like a buffet especially with that many people.

I used the same strategy on Sunday. The best thing about Sunday is that it’s a shorter day. Carpooling helped me conserve energy and saved a bit of carbon footprint.

Overall, four days of training was exhausting but rewarding. Not only did I get back in touch with old friends, but connected with my friends at our dojo. Since I carpooled two out of four days: We were able to share ideas, laughs, and stories. Carpooling became a great time to share and know each other better.

As I told my Sensei, it was a sensory and information overload. It was a very memorable experience. Because I was able to rest, I felt I was able to get the most of the event.

Now, it’s time to digest it all….

Power of Words of Encouragement

You all know that I have been working really hard the past few weeks, maybe the last couple of months.

It was just inevitable that I say something in social media. Believe it or not, I have resisted all this time. However, last Tuesday, I had an extremely challenging day and posted something: something like “make this day stop” or similar. It was really meant to be funny, in a sarcastic way.

Surprisingly, my aunt and uncle from the Philippines sent me a “You can do it.” reply. I have only been hearing from them recently and it was a very welcome change since I rarely hear from my aunts or uncles on my Dad’s side (No Facebook?).

Although it was not the reply that I was expecting since I also had friends from the office going through the same day, their post was a refreshing surprise. It gave me an unexpected lift and gave me the motivation to continue working. I still had a couple of hours of work left to do, but I suddenly was sitting straight and my spirits were boosted. It was a much needed perk that I needed for the rest of the day.

I feel that I rarely receive encouragement. Others may disagree, but when I was in dialysis or even in recovery, I was shown a lot of love, care, and even congratulations. Don’t get me wrong, love and care is very important especially when one is critically ill or recovering from surgery, but encouragement has a different feel. For me, it gave motivation to plow through and continue, which is also something I needed at those times. I think most people forget this when one is or caring for someone who critically ill. Usually at those times, care and understanding is the focus.

Sometimes it helps to hear words of encouragement from some other person. I would like to think that I am mostly optimistic, but there were times (and there were a number of them) when I was frustrated and just wish things would end. My self-motivation tank sometimes needed to be refilled. And a cheer of confidence can easily fill that tank.

I hope this post brings more motivates you to encourage the people in their lives, especially those who are ill or going through difficult times. Everyone needs it and it goes a long way.

I am so grateful to my aunt and uncle for this encouragement. I am actually still running on it and it makes me happy every time I think about it.

Stressin' Out

I have not been writing as much lately. It’s not that I have not had anything to write about. It’s that time of the year, and it has been really hectic at work the last few weeks. I have two major projects that constantly need urgent attention and a minor one that gets none. I’ve been working long hours and even working weekends. Overall, my work has been somewhat stressful, and my free time has suffered. I do not even have time to read tweets or blog.

Pulling in the extra hours has been hard on me this year. Perhaps I am doing more challenging projects, am more involved at work, or simply just getting old. Maybe it's all of the above. I have been really tired and not getting enough sleep – perhaps due to the stress. I can also feel it in my body: I lack energy and feel bloated. I sometimes don’t even want to move, but I know that it is best for me continue exercising.

I actually have gained weight in the last four weeks. In fact, I have gained most of the weight that I lost. First of all, it is extremely frustrating to see the weight come back. I worked really hard to take it off (well, not really – but I was militant with what I ate, I had to).

Most of all, I am concerned that my kidney function is affected. I have not changed my diet nor stopped exercising. It reminds me of when my kidney disease was first diagnosed; I gained so much weight. Back then, I did not worry about it too much. My weight frequently went up and down (more up). Now, I cannot help but be somewhat paranoid.

I guess it's true that too much work and stress can cause a bit of havoc in one’s body and mental state. As we know, chronic stress disrupts almost system of the body, and this experience has reinforced that fact. My immune systems are probably so low, that I got sick. Now, I really cannot work.

Although I use techniques such as exercise and meditation to relax and may not seem too stressed, the accumulation of pressure does add up.  It increased my anxiety, made me really moody, and consequently raised my blood pressure. Really don’t need that… ever.

I am hoping there is some relief in the future. I should also keep in mind what I need to do when things are so busy at work.  As an example, by taking a sick day, I was able to rest, relax, regain focus and get caught up a bit. My lab results also indicated that my kidney function is normal, actually better than normal. So, I can breathe a little easier.

Hopefully, I’m in for a relaxing weekend. I really need one.

Why I move: Dancing Hula

My first hula class: where are they now?  #Flashback

Another form of exercise that I enjoy regularly is dancing hula. I have been dancing hula almost as long as I've been training in aikido. I decided to start when my gym at that time closed, and I needed an option to exercise. I saw Hula and Martial Arts classes at the adult school catalogue, so I thought I would give it a try. I have always been drawn to try hula since the movements are beautiful, and the music relaxing.

Hula has a special place in my heart. When I was a kid (perhaps around 8 years old), I had a chance to dance to Tiny Bubbles and Pearly Shells for the wedding of one of my aunts. This is one of my happy childhood memories. 

Like a martial arts class, some people may be hesitant to start a dance class, because it may be extremely challenging. When I first started, I did experience that. I could not even perform the basic steps (and gave me flashbacks of childhood). However, with practice, I was able to improve. Unfortunately, nowadays, with work and other obligations, I can only practice once a week.


Hula is an excellent form of exercise. Most of the time, it is not aerobic (but through the years, I did find out that it depends on the dance). We do work out our thighs and arms, and sometimes our core. One of the first things that I noticed when I first started hula was my thighs got a lot stronger. We are usually dancing with bent knees, which is actually what makes our hips sway. After my first year of dancing, I found my thighs were in better shape for skiing! Swoosh!

But I digress... again.

Hula also keeps my brain in shape. On top of memorizing steps and hand motions, we need to memorize our "kaheas" or key words that provide cues for musicians. Sometimes, we need to memorize the entire song. It also helps if you learn a bit of Hawaiian. Sometimes I think hula is more challenging than using games that challenge your brain.

Hula also helps me connect with one another. When we dance we need to synchronize and stay in line with each other and in beat to the music. In life, your class becomes your hula family or "ohana". You really feel the spirit of "aloha" when you come to class.

I enjoy hula for almost the same reasons as I enjoy aikido. It helps me physically, mentally, and spiritually. However, for some reason, I feel more relaxed when I dance. Perhaps it is because it reminds me of times when we travelled to Hawaii. Or maybe the music relaxes me and connects to my heart and my soul.

I hope you will try it. You'll see why it can be addictive.

If you enjoyed this article, you may enjoy the others from my "Why I move" series:

• On Walking
• On Going To The Gym
• On Aikido