Gratitude Journal - 2014

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I feel like I’ve been living in a bubble the past few months. Other than some scheduled seminars, one or two lunches with friends, seeing a movie or two with Hubby, or I haven’t really had quality time to spend time on the things that I enjoy. Work has taken over most of my time. I have had very little time to cook – mostly just for sustenance or write.

The past few weeks have been extra challenging: in my schedule but also physically and mentally. In spite of that, I truly feel grateful. I think it was last week when the Gratitude challenge was trending on Facebook. One of my friends took it and challenged all of her friends (cheating I think… you are only supposed to tag three).

I took the challenge, but kept it in my personal journal in the hope of sharing it in this blog. I grateful that I found time this week to share it. I have been given a small pocket of free time when I can just write.

Since my 5-day gratitude list seems a bit long, I will just list my highlights, in no particular order.

I am grateful for my medications. It’s really funny to start with this, but I should give some context. I was very sick for about a week. At first, I was just attributing it to “that time of the month” but it was getting worse and worse. I do not have an appetite and was in significant pain. Hubby was suspecting it was a cyst or a tumor or my new kidney. After some discussion with my transplant nurse, an additional dose of my preventive medication helped significantly.  I felt better only after four hours. Although I am one who does not really enjoy taking a lot of medication, I am extremely thankful when it works.

I am grateful for my doctors. My medical team is awesome and last week was a good testimony to it. My doctors were really concerned that I was having pain around my abdominal area. We contacted my transplant nephrologist, my primary care physician, and my OB-GYN. Every one took it seriously, especially my transplant nephrology team since they were concerned that my new kidney was affected. I received a phone call immediately, recommended an additional medication, and for me to do my labs immediately. We had an appointment the following week and the nurse made it a point to follow-p with me personally. I have a great team behind me.

I am grateful for my husband. My Hubby is one of the Team captains of my care team. He forced me to contact my physicians. Without his encouragement, I probably would just let it go for another week and suffer. He even contacted some of my doctors. He’s a good caregiver and partner.

(Just a note: The primary captain = Me)

I am grateful for weekends. Weekends is the time when I can spend time with Hubby. Because of work, we have very little time to spend together during the week. The weekends provide one of those times together… even if I sneak in some work or blogging time.

I am grateful for good food (and an occasional glass of wine). Good food, especially those shared with good company, provides enjoyment. It also nourishes our bodies and allows us to better function. And the company nourishes our spirit.

I am grateful for work. Surprised? I actually am too. This entry was on a day when I had a really challenging task. Not only does work provide much needed financial and medical support (through health benefits), but also allows me to flex and stretch my mind. I work with smart people so often the collaboration and the exchange of ideas can be stimulating. For me, work can also provide enjoyment. It is hard, but usually laugh to make the tough times a bit easier.

We also had some recent changes at work and I am very grateful that I still am working. I did write this on my gratitude journal prior to that.

I am grateful for humor. Laughing and jokes help me through the tough days –- work and health.  When I was sick, a good sitcom or late night TV usually made me forget my worries for a while. Big Bang Theory or Tonight Show usually did the trick. Actually, tonight we're watching "Young Frankenstein"... it's that movie's 40th anniversary.

In my journal, I also thanked my teachers, in aikido, in hula and in other disciplines that guided me through my journey in life so far. I still have a lot to learn though… but I think that is what life is about.

To My Generous Donor – Much Gratitude

During my most recent doctor visit, I found out some information about my donor. Hubby, for his own reasons, did not want to know, but I needed to. I wanted to know who to thank.

Because of how the doctors described my kidney, I speculated that my kidney came from someone young. It was very healthy, and passed the stress test with flying colors. The doctors were confident that this kidney would be a really great match.

What I did not realize was it was a pediatric kidney, i.e. a kidney from a young person. When my transplant coordinator mentioned this I immediately thought about what the family must have went through in the loss of their loved one and what that gift meant. To lose a child and a grandchild is devastating, and I feel that parents should not go through such a huge loss. Although I am not a parent, I immediately thought about my niece and my sister. How would my sister and my mom feel in that situation? I felt very truly saddened but extremely privileged to be the recipient of this wonderful gift.

I also felt a lot of responsibility. My donor had a short life. Passing away in one’s early teens is entirely far too short, but he or she lives through me. I need to honor my donor by taking care of that gift and to ensure that my donor’s kidney has an enjoyable life as much as possible… through me. I need to take care of myself, be cautious of what I eat, drink, and do, take advantage of what life has to offer, live, love, and laugh.

I have so much gratitude to you, my young donor. Without you, my new life is not possible: Thank you! You are my hero. I sincerely hope you are now at peace.

One last note: there was no other information provided to us about my donor:not where she lived, how she passed, and certainly not her name. Just the age.