Just when things seem better, things go worse

Yeap - just like what the title says. Don't want to elaborate any further, I just wish the dark clouds in my life start to go away.

Wet inserts

It's that "time of the month," and I need to dialyze. This is not a happy Wednesday.

I am actually very tired from work and the drive home from Pleasanton to Walnut Creek through the 680 traffic maze. Now, I have to face the needles. I am not looking forward to this.

It took four attempts to get my veins (luckily, just one attempt for the artery). The venous needle hit a blood clot on the first attempt. The next two could not get sufficient blood flow. We were about to give up when someone suggested a "wet insert". Although that sounds rather erotic, believe me... it's not erotic at all! It just means that saline is added when they insert those big needles in you. It was rather uneasy especially when you are listening to three technicians talking their way through puncturing your skin with a wet fat needle. It is like getting the blow-by-blow to surgery, not a very comfortable feeling. At least, that puncture was successful, and they were able to get a flow.

The next two and a half hours were somewhat uneventful. I noticed that my temp was dropping low, but everything seemed normal.

Until the needles were pulled...

Jen had to stop the eight minutes machines early since I was starting to cramp. When she started to dismantle the tubes, she found that I almost clotted the machine with my thick blood. The blood from the venous needle is almost as thick as honey!

On the other hand, the arterial side was spewing blood all over. I made a big mess and felt really bad for the clean-up needed. I needed Hubby's help to put enough pressure on it to make it stop, even then it took three gauze! Quite traumatic!

Not looking forward to Friday. Maybe I should come back after "that time of the month" is over. Things are usually easier then.

Fridays with Dr. M

I visited my nephrologist this afternoon. Both of us were pretty much prepared for each other. Hubby and I have our list of questions. He was ready to say "No, you cannot reduce your time" and "No, you cannot dialyze for only two days".


Overall, it was a pleasant experience -- almost bordering on fun. We have known each other for almost two years and know each others limits. Our first visits with him were somewhat traumatic (to the point that I dubbed him "Dr. Doom" -- and that is being nice). Things are now better.


We went through the questions, one by one. Overall, he had a satisfactory answer, but as always not enough for our inquiring science-oriented minds. I was somewhat disappointed that he does not have a definite answer on what is causing my gout (but he did have a theory) and that I need better numbers to reduce the number of days on the machine. At least, I know what to aim for... Kt/V of 2.3. Then I can reduce my days from 3 to 2!

Walking is underrated

It is so great to finally walk with (almost) no pain.

I spent Wednesday evening in San Francisco (yes, I skipped my session). We had a work event and had to suffer through dinner and drinks with my co-workers... oh, such agony. Sharing calamari, shrimp, Pinot Noirs, and profiteroles is so much work.

It is also wonderful to spend time in the fresh air and almost feel normal. Putting one foot in front of the other, while looking through the shops and sights at the Ferry Building and the Embarcadero Center. I miss that place.

I am so glad that I can walk to enjoy it.

Happy Birthday!

Today's my birthday, and I had a surprise birthday gift -- another gout attack. It hit early in the morning, and my left foot was in tremendous pain. Spent most of the day on the couch, feeling disappointed that I couldn't enjoy a beautiful sunny day.

I am very lucky that Hubby tried to cheer me up -- a muffin with a birthday candle, home-cooked lunch, and waited on me all day. I am very thankful he is here, but also sad that he has to endure my pain.

Goodbye, Stash

All is quiet and sad at the home-front...

Last Thursday, the neighborhood stray cat, Mustachio (or "Stash" for short) had to be euthanized. Hubby found her in the sidewalk, can barely walk, with one bloody eye. He took her to the vet, and found that Stash was severely dehydrated and weighing only four pounds. The vet said that she probably had kidney disease, and is suffering tremendously. No choice, but to let her go.

We've been hit very hard by this event, especially Hubby. We've grown close to Stash in the last three years (and, I suppose, her to us). We gave her food, water, and attention... much like what we share with our house cat. I feel that she is part of our extended family, though she never lets us get near her.

Stash, we will miss you.

Gout, chills, cramps, and blood -- oh my!

It feels so good to wake up and be able to stand up. You see, I've had a very painful gout attack this week, and I have had significant foot pain all week. I've been home-bound for about 2 days, had difficulty walking, sometimes needing a cane. I felt very disabled. Thank goodness for Colcichine, Tylenol and telecommuting. If not for that, I would be missing work.

I thought you are not supposed to have gout attacks when you dialyze... what is up with that?

I think the gout affected my dialysis last Monday. I was not feeling well. I can barely walk to the center. I had chills through the session -- all three hours of it. At the end of my session, I had severe cramps on both legs. My legs were so painful, that it took three technicians/nurses to ease the pain. And after that, I was so weak to clamp down my arm that blood squirted all over the place. Hubby was not too happy.

Fortunately, Wednesday was much more smoother. Everything went like clockwork.

Yesterday, the gout pain finally started to subside. I woke up, stood up, and felt very relieved... I can walk again. I was even able to go to hula class! I just have to keep healthy so I can enjoy aikido tomorrow and a possible kayak adventure on Sunday.

It's my birthday weekend!

Reflection

My dialysis sessions have gone rather smoothly the last couple of times, so I thought I would take advantage of this quiet time to reflect on good things that happened the last month. This is the perfect time for it – since I have to stay fairly close to home to do my monthly “pee-test” so my kidney functions can be measured.

• I am dialyzing at a consistent schedule. Hopefully that will improve my kidney functions.


• I can now have an occasional chai latte with soy.


• I can now have an occasional hot chocolate without worrying about gout attacks (next is to try spanakopita – spinach, feta, and phyllo dough).


• I can have meat, lamb, or fried chicken without worrying about how much protein I am having.


• I can enjoy an occasional glass of wine. I usually save it for a really good (expensive) wine, which is the point, correct?


• I am still able to crochet and knit. I made several leis for friends for this Holiday season.


• I now have time for reading. I gave that up a year ago when I was assigned to my project in Pleasanton.


• I can still work – full-time. I enjoy my work, and although it does not define me, it is a major part of my being. As Kahlil Gibran once said, “work is love made visible”.


• I have been able to continue my ukulele lessons. Music has always been part of my life, even though I am not good at it. It is good to be able to play a musical instrument again. I think I am actually improving.


• I am still able to ski – we skied two days over Christmas. I could have skied more if we had time! Love to ski.


• I have been able to continue with my hula lessons, in spite of my compromised schedule.


• I performed in my first hula show in years!


• I still have time for Aikido and pursue my black-belt. It will be a slower and more difficult journey, but isn’t the journey the reward.


• Finally, Hubby and I have been spending more time together. Hubby has been very supportive and understanding through this last month. He has come to every dialysis session and helps me out once I am hooked up. He provides me and others “entertainment” while we are there. He has helped me out with all my activities – including (but not limited to):
  
  
  
  
  • Taking care of many things around the house – cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry, garbage, and her royal highness, the cat.
  
  
  • Continuing to be involved with the doctors at the hospital and the staff at the dialysis center.
  
  
  • Making my red arm bandage for my aikido class (to prevent folks from grabbing me on my right arm).
  
  
  • Carrying the skis for me to and from the ski resort.
  
  
  • Making sure that I get on the lift with my “good” side, for the ride up.
  
  
  • Accompanying me to the center to make sure I have a ride afterwards.
  
  

There are plenty of things to be grateful and happy for, even if times are now quite challenging. It is so easy to focus on the concern and the pain when times are hard, that one often neglects to notice the good things. Reflection is a good thing.

Peace.