I am somewhat on pins and needles today. With the rise of my blood pressure this week, an accidental hit on my new kidney spot, and to top it off, starting our tax preparation, it was a pretty stressful day.
I am hoping that this anxiety is normal. After all, one does not experience a kidney transplant everyday. I find myself very protective of it, much like a mom protecting her new baby. I embrace a pillow every time Meow is around to prevent her from jumping on me, wear a mask and gloves when I go to my check-ups and my weekly trips to the labs, watch my potassium, and the list seems to go on. Any little change is stressful: I always ask myself if the new kidney is still working or did I do something wrong? Sometimes, today included, I feel that it was better when I was on dialysis.
Hubby always reminds me that the stress and anxiety is somewhat counterproductive, maybe more harmful to the new kidneys. While I agree in concept, I am finding it difficult to remain calm and centered. He also points out that we were both used to the routine and diet with dialysis; major surgery and a big change like this will surely require adjustment.
Hopefully, tomorrow will be better. My meditation project starts tomorrow, and even if I meditate for five minutes each day, it may help calm me down.
Also, in hindsight, maybe we should have our taxes done by H&R Block this year.
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