#BadDay

I woke up this morning and as usual, I weighed myself. 151 lbs - I was surprised and very concerned. That meant a five-pound gain in nine days. I called the transplant coordinator about this a couple of days ago and they did not seem to be concerned, but no one is explaining why I am gaining weight. I feel that no one is really concerned and consider that this is normal. It was the start of a bad day.

I know I am gaining fluid. I told the doctors that I have not been urinating as much, and I have been drinking about 8-10 glasses per day. I feel that I am bloated and retaining fluid, but no one seems to care.

The last time this happened I gained 19 lbs. I attributed it to not exercising enough and an unhealthy diet (although I felt I was eating well). So I adjusted my diet, exercised as much my work and personal life allowed, and after a significant weight gain, I was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease, Stage 4. Now, you can see why I am frustrated that everyone is just shrugging it off. This seems to be a replay of what happened six years ago.

I called U.C. Davis this morning and was very upset. Somehow, they were more concerned about my anxiety than my kidneys and recommended that I go to the ER. If they are worried about my anxiety, why can't they tell me more about my kidneys? They suggested for me to go to the labs today and get a kidney panel done and possibly a kidney ultrasound via my local nephrologist.

I will not get the lab results until perhaps tomorrow. The ultrasound is not until Monday afternoon, which means a weekend of anxiety. As much as I try to get back to a normal routine, I actually don't have one at this point that does not involve recovery. In fact, I woke up today and did not even know what day it was. I think its inevitable that my weekend will not be a happy or productive one.

The one thing good about dialysis is you see a nurse every other day. They can gauge how you are doing and what adjustments are needed. Now, it's all new territory. Also, since the doctors are now only seeing me once a month, it's difficult to know how well or bad I am doing.

Worse thing is I cannot talk to someone who can share with me what is going on and also sympathetic to what I am feeling. I had that in dialysis, but now, I do not have that luxury. Everyone is seems to have abandoned me. Except for my husband, a few friends, and the nurses and doctors in the clinics, I've have not spoken to anyone else since I've returning home from the hospital.

Like most things, I guess I will just do this on my own. Hoping for good lab results this weekend. Fingers crossed.